Tuesday, March 18, 2008


So he’s gone. The director of some of the worst crap ever to soil the big screen: I understand his stage work was well-received, but then a monumental turd like THE ENGLISH PATIENT won 9 Oscars. I will never forget or forgive the time I wasted writhing through PATIENT and the unspeakable COLD MOUNTAIN. THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY at least has some moments largely involving the glories of Jude Law. But I cannot and will not forget that RIPLEY serves to reinforce more negative gayness-as-misery stereotypes than any film in my experience, transforming Patricia Highsmith’s darkly witty novel into a bloated two and a half hour Guilt Trip about a Fag Who Kills The Boys He Loves. It makes BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN look like THE BIRDCAGE. Although I can’t complain too loudly about a movie where Philip Seymour Hoffman gets his head bashed in.

Bye bye Tony. In purgatory you’ll be watching some good films (NOTORIOUS, THE GENERAL, SHOP AROUND THE CORNER, THE GODFATHER I and II) and realizing what crap your film work really is.

R.I.P. and all that. Better luck next life.


Anonymous said...

Geez, you missed the part about how he raped your sister and bit the head off your hamster.

Roscoe said...

Well, he never did either. He just wasted my time and made a series of shitty movies which have managed to pull the wool over the eyes of a lot of people. I'd be more forgiving if he had raped my sister and bitten the head off my hamster. COLD MOUNTAIN is unforgiveable.

Michael said...

I can't quite work up the venom you have for him, but I didn't enjoy his work. I didn't like English Patient and I didn't like Ripley, but I didn't quite hate them either, and I wouldn't have gone to see Cold Mountain on a bet unless I'd gotten a month's worth of donuts as a prize--and for me, that could be quite a chunk of change. I remember liking Truly Madly Deeply, but the specifics are lost in the mists of time, and I don't think I want to revisit the film any time soon.

Pooji said...

From am email Roscoe sent me several years ago:

A rare display of taste and intelligence from the Academy in not nominating Minghella or his latest pile of steaming celluloid excrement. But Jude Law is up for best actor for the sleepwalkingest performance since Kevin Spacey's 15 minutes FINALLY ran out. How the fuck did that happen? But of course, I'm still wondering how Anthony Minghella got Law and Zellwegger to give the worst performances they could possibly have given. Zellwegger comes off like some macabre lovechild of Granny Clampett and Popeye The Sailor Man. She will, of course, win the Oscar.

later amended to read:

Zellwegger comes off like some macabre lovechild of Granny Clampett and Popeye The Sailor Man, but without any of the innate style and dignity and sheer class that the offspring of such people would possess. She will, of course, win the Oscar.

I just thought, to celebrate this joyous occasion, it should be archived on the internet for posterity.